I am a girl that has had a warped view of the world and still strove to reconcile my fucked-up world view and balance with trying to good.
I thought overcoming Billy Goog was the absolute highest and most challenging terrain in my life before me.
But I was wrong.
Billy Goog molested me when I was a child. I never had hope. I never felt hope. Not the way I imagine other’s feel hope.
I worked so hard to find my place in the world. I worked so hard to be a good example for my daughters.
And then I went to work for Sitnasuak Native Corporation.
My advise to anyone out there – get your education – but never, never fall for the romantic idea of working for our own village corporation.
I do not ever advise anyone to work for any village corporation for that matter.
It is not safe.
I felt used being a victim of sexual abuse as a child.
But that does not hold a candle to the way I was used and disposed of by people I was all in for.
That group abuse has the power to strip everything and anything else you ever had left after being molested.
You will never come back from that.
You will never leave the house to meet other people.
You will barely leave your bedroom.
Everyone – no matter where you move to – will look up your name and hate you.
You will never experience the “spirit” of a settlement agreement because no one cares. As many years you spend trying to appeal to anyone who has some authority over the post about you, it is impossible.
Your life is dead.
You are a hollowed out shell.
You are equivalent to a person in a coma that is just breathing.
And you realize that your sister in law stood true to her word.
She said she was going to put her brother in the dirt. She told me to turn on my heels and walk away. She is really good at this.
She may be powerful, but she uses that power wrongly. Without honor.