Just beyond the curtain of anger…

chair in modern light room
Photo by Skylar Kang on Pexels.com

I created this blog to expose myself, so others can recognize moments of themselves through my bare naked truth. 

It is not all pretty, positive, and the life of the party – this soul of mine.

I have a soul that wants to fight and stand up in the face of wrongdoing I witness happening to others and myself. 

This last 5 years has left me so ultimately broken.  I do not know where I fit in or if I will ever find my place in the community.

I feel so betrayed, used, and I do not have a map on how to get out of this cornfield. 

I am an intelligent human – but I just do not understand what the motive or end-goal could have been, that was or is so important that my life to others is so expendable.

I do not know what to do anymore. I don’t belong anywhere anymore. This is a horribly lonely place to be exiled to.

Published by Trudy Sobocienski

My blog, "Beyond Leadership" is a creative place to share my personal feelings and thoughts while working in leadership roles for a variety of Alaska Native organizations, both for and not-for profit entities. An incredible leader and mentor of mine once asked while we were in Washington, DC, "What happened to you between the ages of 7-10 that motivated you to serve in a native leadership capacity". I was struck by that poignant thought and as such, include actual entries from my mother and my diaries beginning in the early 1970's. I enjoy sharing these excerpts because it captures the parallels she and I were experiencing throughout life, from two separate worldviews. Hers as a young mother of four and mine as her eldest child. I have never came across a book on leadership that lays bare a leaders personal feelings, thoughts, hopes, fears and dreams they were experiencing. So for me, my goal is two-fold: 1. Share the incredible life my parents created for my siblings and I growing up in remote Alaska; and, 2) Sharing my humanity, through my personal diaries and journals, while serving as the youngest-ever President/CEO for the Alaska Native Health Board. There are passages that will include significant policy issues I was working on throughout my career and travels. There are many more passages that do not. I cannot speak for my mom's passages, because I am reading them as I share them here, with you; with her permission of course.

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