Dear Diary -12/15/2020

I think I blew it today.

I had an interview.  I was told it was a phone interview.  But for me, I err on the side of over preparedness versus what could be a “miscommunication”.

Because I experienced ‘miscommunications’ in the past that I trusted – which left me appearing unprepared, unprofessional, flippant, or disrespectful.

I haven’t had an invitation to be interviewed for a professional and permanent position in many years. I was a lot more nervous than I anticipated.

I want this so much that I focused on making myself small. I found myself doing this because I don’t know the dynamics of the interpersonal relationships, conflicts, and /or synergies currently in place.

I just have to turn this all over. This is what I love and believe: I am steadfast in my  hope based on the original idealism of America. 

The Bill of Rights is what resonates with me.  The Bill of Rights communicate to me what I can connect to.  The Bill of Rights transcend beyond the worst intended acts against me.  The Bill if Rights tell me that there is a place in this world for me.  The Bill of Rights does not dictate, judge, consider, or even ask what my values and cultural beliefs are.

The Bill of Rights guarantees my personal freedom to pursue my own self-defined happiness.

Please Lord, to force upon me your peace and grace.

Published by Trudy Sobocienski

My blog, "Beyond Leadership" is a creative place to share my personal feelings and thoughts while working in leadership roles for a variety of Alaska Native organizations, both for and not-for profit entities. An incredible leader and mentor of mine once asked while we were in Washington, DC, "What happened to you between the ages of 7-10 that motivated you to serve in a native leadership capacity". I was struck by that poignant thought and as such, include actual entries from my mother and my diaries beginning in the early 1970's. I enjoy sharing these excerpts because it captures the parallels she and I were experiencing throughout life, from two separate worldviews. Hers as a young mother of four and mine as her eldest child. I have never came across a book on leadership that lays bare a leaders personal feelings, thoughts, hopes, fears and dreams they were experiencing. So for me, my goal is two-fold: 1. Share the incredible life my parents created for my siblings and I growing up in remote Alaska; and, 2) Sharing my humanity, through my personal diaries and journals, while serving as the youngest-ever President/CEO for the Alaska Native Health Board. There are passages that will include significant policy issues I was working on throughout my career and travels. There are many more passages that do not. I cannot speak for my mom's passages, because I am reading them as I share them here, with you; with her permission of course.

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