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December 12, 2003: Journal entry

(A Woman’s Journal – A blank book with Quotes by Women)”In real love you want the other person’s good. In romantic love, you want the other person” – Margaret Anderson (American Publisher 1893-1973)

Tonight I rest, or I may not.  It is a night of celebration and anticipation and serenity.

This morning I’ve accomplished a goal of substantial faith.  I signed to close on my first house.  I bought my family a beautiful home.  Then I proceeded to work for the next 10-12 hours..

My absence for my lunch break to close on my house was not without being scrutized by board member(s). It is ironic how liitle people can be while they are entrusted with prestigous roles.  Mostly, I find this problem carried out by people with self-proclaimed power.

I have this journal, that at times I was to keep cleansed just for documentary purposes (my own perameters).  But the healing aspect is having a sanctuary to rant.

I don’t even know what I want to rant about.  Just anger, bitterness, diappointment because I am grieving the loss of my rose-colored glasses.

By Trudy Sobocienski

My blog, "Beyond Leadership" is a creative place to share my personal feelings and thoughts while working in leadership roles for a variety of Alaska Native organizations, both for and not-for profit entities.

An incredible leader and mentor of mine once asked while we were in Washington, DC, "What happened to you between the ages of 7-10 that motivated you to serve in a native leadership capacity". I was struck by that poignant thought and as such, include actual entries from my mother and my diaries beginning in the early 1970's.

I enjoy sharing these excerpts because it captures the parallels she and I were experiencing throughout life, from two separate worldviews. Hers as a young mother of four and mine as her eldest child.
I have never came across a book on leadership that lays bare a leaders personal feelings, thoughts, hopes, fears and dreams they were experiencing.

So for me, my goal is two-fold:

1. Share the incredible life my parents created for my siblings and I growing up in remote Alaska; and,

2) Sharing my humanity, through my personal diaries and journals, while serving as the youngest-ever President/CEO for the Alaska Native Health Board.

There are passages that will include significant policy issues I was working on throughout my career and travels. There are many more passages that do not.

I cannot speak for my mom's passages, because I am reading them as I share them here, with you; with her permission of course.

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