Trudy Sobocienski

I made this comment to my friend that I respect and adore, Martha.

Fast forward a week or two to today. My mom and I had a date to attend President Trump’s rally in Bullhead City. She and I have the best mother-daughter dates ever in the history of such a thing.

I was contemplating this monumental event and the joy and hope our President gives.

Then my mind wandered back to the fact that he transferred all his assets and company controls — without being told to or expected to – as he moved into his role as the United States President of America.

As I was so blessed with the events of this day, it struck me.

He gave away his property, authority, control, and power.

Why would anyone do that?

Because he recognized that the hopeless will only receive a message of hope from someone who is truly sharing it freely.

God Bless America, God bless President Donald J. Trump.

I was on the Denali Commission Health Care “Committee-Board” whatever. The latest random white guy appointed as the State of Alaska Commissioner of Health was (by position) the Chairman of this entity too.

I shit you not, the protocol to allocate multi-millions of dollars throughout rural Alaska for health care infrastructure was thumbs up or thumbs down.

There was no tangible criteria or anything to prioritze. I just sat there in dumbfounded ahh about the lack of accountability the Denali Commission was required for the massive amount of money they received and more importantly how it was spent. As the President/CEO of the Alaska Native Health Board, who facilitated the Alaska Tribal Health Caucus and oversaw the annual negotiations between the Tribal Health entities and the federal government; there was never a carte-blanche distribution of funds.

So sitting in this health committee or whatever that was supposed to be at the Denali Commission, this is how it went.

Some guy (old white guy who never lived in Alaska) was appointed as the State Health commissioner. As such, that State of Alaska Health Commissioner appointment came with the extra entitlement of being the Chairman of the Denali Commission Health Committee.

I describe this guy not for anything more than painting a picture of his description. And I give him more respect in his description than how he voiced his assumptions about the rural communities and rural people he was in charge of.

There was a massive amount of money appropriated to the Denali Commission. The Denali Commission was created (in part) to be this paternalist quasi-governmental agency serve as the ‘pass-through’ entity and authority to decide which villages would be granted funding to have small health clinics and medium health clinics built.

St. Lawrence Island had a need for two separate health clinics.

This Commissioner of Health for the State of Alaska – in his entitled role as the Chair of the Denali Commission was outraged by the proposal for two separate clinics on one Alaskan island.

He was outraged that rural Alaska native communities would expect such a crazy amount of money for two clinics; when he said – they should have one built in the middle of the island and residents of Gambell and Savoonga could share that one medium-sized clinic.

I was darting my eyes around the room in shock and appall. And at that time, I was a newly-selected President/CEO of the Alaska Native Health Board; 30 years old; having a cultural upbringing not to be confrontational; and being confrontational was a sign of disrespect especially if it were an elder speaking; and white people were the most revered.

So I am sorry. But the way this man characterized people from my region – demeaning them as like greedy or entitled pissed me off. That shit I did not sit quiet about.

This old white guy, never went to anyplace in Alaska. He was a Frank Murkowski appointee; when Frank became Governor.

I may have been more patient, tolerant, or kind if he first asked for thoughts from the people around the table. But he did not, and he chose to judge the people and demean them straight-away.

I lost my cool and stepped way outside of my cultural etiquette right then and there.

Needless to say, he had a ‘coming to Jesus’ moment and realized two clinics on St. Lawrence Island was indeed appropriate.

Although, even to this day; I myself have never stepped foot on St. Lawrence Island; I know there is a mountain range between Gambell and Savoonga. It was a somber awakening to me about the people put in charge of making decisions on our behalf in rural Alaska.

I would have been more comfortable if we were all sitting around a table in a bar so I could really tell him about himself. But we were not; I could not, so I did not. But he got the message. Gambell and Savoonga got the funding for their separate clinics on their singular place of existance, St. Lawrence Island.

I realized then that what Carolyn (Michaels) Crowder told me years before was true. She said that we are the experts. I loved and respected her authority as an expert; but I was not able to connect those dots back to me, until that moment at the Denali Commission.

Still, rising above the bullshit others so freely get to throw with utter disregard for anyone outside their tiny world view; was only tolerable because I concurrently fantasized about snatching the lips off his face, while I was being just grateful enough to loosen up the ties he been chosen to hold over people like me.

Obviously, I’ve gotten more comfortable in my own skin since way back then. I am no longer the best choice to advocate through a “yes masser” gratefulness message.

That is just the tip of the iceberg.

I am escorting people on a tour to see and experience the reality of socialized health care and romanticizing no law enforcement in America. Strap on your seat belts…

I am a student of the Jack Welch Management Institute. My first quarter I was selected to ask Jack Welch a question. I asked him for advice on how to deal with an Alaskan Native Corporation, created by Congress, 50 years ago, now being awarded multi-million government contracts that require top secret clearance; when the only criteria to serve on these boards is to be 18 years old and a shareholder? The Dean of our school was moderating the discussion. He told me that only one other student ever stumped Jack Welch the way I did. I did not feel happy about that. I really wanted an answer.

This is the lawsuit I filed against the defendants you can read for yourself. I am attaching the Complaint..

These people have not been served yet. The Judge needs to decide if he will allow me to file this case as a person in poverty. He has not addressed that initial motion; therefore the Complaint for Racketeering, Willful and Wanton Defamation is in limbo.

United States District Court
District of Nevada (Las Vegas)
CIVIL DOCKET FOR CASE #: 2:20-cv-01703-KJD-VCF

I am wicked pissed.

The benefit of the doubt given to monsters because of who they are instead of what they do.

Look at this picture.

I ‘googled’ a search for images of powerful adults over children. There is nothing – no images on this globally dominated search engine we call Google.

I am sickened that people I know and respect will pick a part the person who lost their mind because of the insanity of the powerlessness they knew they were under.

At the same time, the predator keeps his composure, uses his resources, and gaslights the woman by saying she is crazy, jealous, unstable, oh and my favorite – “looking for attention” and has her arrested.

This is just enough to make me feel hopeless and suicidal. How can I have hope anymore when I have held on through the worldview and lens that I did?

Where is the hope when the people protect the predator?

We are all supposed to have a place in society.

Did someone not tell me that our Inupiaq and Yupik culture is that children like me were just sexual toys?

Have I ever shared the love story of my parents? Their’s is a love that was meant to be; just because it is a continuation and the beginning of all eternity. Time and time and time, is mathmetic. What is acknowledged as true, scientifically, is the abyss of infinity.

And with infinity validates eternity, longevity, a snapshot in time, a moment, 15 minutes of fame, and a love that transcends time; because the fact remains that love conquers all.

Today is my parents 51st anniversary.

They met in Fairbanks Alaska on a double date. They were the date of the other two on that occasion. It was a Friday night. October 3rd, 1969.

5 hours after my mom and dad met each other while on a double date where they were not dating each other; my dad proposed to my mom.

They were married 7 days later, October 10, 1969. They have been together, they know each other, they (guaranteed) resented each other, and have this magnetic pull toward each other that obstacles cannot break. Even if they were the obstacle from time to time.

I have been so blessed to have these parents who are truly each other’s other half. They balance each other. Their love is what has been my guiding light and my North Star.

I share some incredibly private experiences of my life. Most of which my parents never knew was happening.

And the reason they didn’t is because they talked to me, they had my back. When I was around 12 or so, my dad told me that he had to rely on the values he taught me up to that point, because i was going to turn into a teenager that doesn’t believe anything he has to say.

But more than saying that, he and my mom actually believed and followed through with giving me the wide open space to explore life, make mistakes, fail, act like an ass, and succeed without apology.

Forever and always, I am first the daughter of Babe and Irene Anderson. I strive to not fuck that up colossally.

I love you, Mom and Dad

This is the truth. I lived through and have been firmly wrapped up in my filtered view which is the bad shit that happened to me and how I warped my own sense of reality to embrace and survive. I made myself out to be helping because my cousin’s life was so fucked up. I heard my parents talking about how much they were protecting him and that he required so much protection. So when he and his brother Billy V were babysitting me at the Trading Post, they had me on a bean bag. When my parents came home from the bar, I told them that they were being mean to me. I was a toddler. I didn’t know the right words. My parents cussed those boys out and told the they had to be nice to me.

So when he kept on doing that to me, I never said to my parents again that he was being mean to me. Because they didn’t stop having him around me. I was too little to know how to say it and my parents never thought of anything as vile as that to be aware of.

Miscommunication.

“Experts” love to talk about communication and two-way communication; and the lack thereof.

Communicating is wrongfully defined as talking and expressing

Communication is so much more.

Communication is listening, receiving information, coming to a conclusion about what the message was, and reacting, acting, or brushing off the message.

The silent message that the toddler/child receives because of the lack of action from their parents because they are a toddler and do not know how to say the exact thing. That disconnect warped my reality of feeling protected, safe, or secure. They don’t even know if what is happening to them is wrong after the predator wins over the parents and takes pleasure in the confusion the child is abandoned with.

I am working the next 30 days on re-organizing my blog and site pages.